It’s a strange strange feeling when knowledge is combined with the experience, for each on it’s own can not lead to awareness, it’s incomplete. But sometimes you take the steps even when you know the experience will lead to pain, loss, that it might break you down. And it’s all a reality as it happens, the pain is real, the loss is real, even the depression that follows. But to gain awareness of yourself and the world around through this experience is the reality you seek. We write our own stories with our choices, so the question at the end of the day is, what’s the life i want to remember that i lived, that I experienced, what’s the awareness of who I am did I gain.