A day to look forward too

I’m waiting for the day where those memories no longer hold their pain so true,

And all that remains is a story that can be retold.

For those moments remembered that make my whole body cringe at what I already know,

And the hate that grew out of an unforeseen moment bygone,

For as long as those emotions linger the anguish created in moments of ignorant innocence thrive,

And all that is left to look forward to is the chance to be free;


Free of what was left behind,

Of the ugliness born out of trust given blind,

To regain some faith of good to come,

And a bit of peace within my mind. 

Blood frenzy

From the looks of events that are going on, it just seems everyone is ready to kill the moment they get a chance, no matter the side, no matter the cause.

The anger we are surrounded with and living in is pure evil… and we are all soaking in blood we can’t seem to put a stop too.
where are we heading?

this is all mind boggling, its blaspheme to human kind, to any belief any of us has or doesn’t have. where is the respect of life, and where are the civilized men?

And does it ALWAYS have to be through blood, death, torture, and acts of horror that we reach a form of decent life, or gain our rights to live?

No God would stand with this mentality, and no man or woman either…

May all the stolen lives and tortured souls find the peace that we till now can not seem to find or hold on to.

..An angry frustrated women..

Holding off the Night Mares

I saw lightning in a far off darkness
surrounded with star studded skies

Ghosts of memories hover around
catch me off guard in moments of solitude

And when raving eyes try to escape the minds projected shadows
they accidentally glimpse the dark blanket above

And my soul becomes mesmerized with the pin prick lights,
with the all consuming vastness of whats beyond
And with it
A peace of mind

But a true moment of peace
Where fear is abolished
Where the Night Mares can’t come can’t be

And I hold on to the memory of wonder that consumed me
Stretch it and with it shield my mind for this one night –
that the Night Mares that sneak upon me, as I lay my head to rest, to lay their wicked dreams
may not approach this troubled soul,
So that they keep their horrid burdens for another unguarded sleep,

always waiting, always lurking

If only a single memory did not burn out in a night…

And all that Remains are the Salt Stains

Teardrop stains on my shoulder seeping through,

I wish i can take the pain away from you and patch up the wounds so they can cleanly heal,
so that tomorrow only faded memories remain.

i wish i could take this barbed agony and give it back to those whom have inflicted it,
for them to taste the despair caused of their doing,
to break them down as you are falling apart in my arms.

My shoulder is all that i can give you now, with my hugs, and hummed lullabies.

Forgive me for my shortcomings,
forgive me for my silence,
for what words of mine can comfort the burden of your pain…

Here I Come Sorrow

I feel it coming, i feel it consuming me
Starting in my chest and spreading out
Weighing my head and shoulders down
The prickly numbness spreads
My fingers heavy with it
Each breath a forced process
The only feeling left is that of the weight being lifted with each inhale
the pressure of it with every exhale

I hold my thoughts together
I hold myself together
I get ready for the darkness
I get ready for the pain
I get ready to feel it all again
The panic.

And I remember..

“I will come out the other side
It will come to an end,
For the ones who love me are around me”

I close my eyes and embrace it…

Empty Silence of a Chaotic Mind

In silence I sit
Memory replaying itself through me

Colors brushes breaths tears silence

Ones hands upon my back
Another’s lips drinking my own
And the latter trying to re awaken senses that only knew shame.

In darkness I sit
In the chaos of my mind
Trying to understand where I stand 
Fighting a battle that leaves no visible scars, just hovering shadows over eyes that burst with life,
With laughter, a smile, and a little madness.

My only wish is that my madness does not gain power over me, that I still may recognize it.

Tears frozen on eyelashes, 
sorrow without cause consuming.

I will continue to hope
I will find a way to heal. 

Midnight thoughts

It’s a strange strange feeling when knowledge is combined with the experience, for each on it’s own can not lead to awareness, it’s incomplete. But sometimes you take the steps even when you know the experience will lead to pain, loss, that it might break you down. And it’s all a reality as it happens, the pain is real, the loss is real, even the depression that follows. But to gain awareness of yourself and the world around through this experience is the reality you seek. We write our own stories with our choices, so the question at the end of the day is, what’s the life i want to remember that i lived, that I experienced, what’s the awareness of who I am did I gain.